Unionize Because Scott Kluth Is A Prick

That’s me telling jokes, a job I’ve never been fired from

On March 12th, I distinctly remember waking up too late to make a pot of coffee, but too early to go in to the office. After walking the dog, I said fuck it, and got on the train. The office has coffee, just go on in.

When I was on the train, I received a message from Scott Kluth, owner and CEO of CouponCabin.com, referring to an email I had sent to a confused user of a very simple website in my capacity as a customer service rep. He asked me if there was a “macro” for what I had written (a macro is a pre-scripted response that makes sending large blocks of text take seconds rather than minutes), I told him that it was not, that I had written it free form. He often asked me these questions because in the year and change I worked there I mastered the in-house style better than the guy who created both the house and the lack of style.

His most infuriating tick as a writer was using “that said” at least once in literally every paragraph. Insane. 75% of the time there was no real need to use “that said”, 20% of the time he could be better served with vocab words like, “However” or “Conversely” or “Furthermore” or “In regards to” or “says who, motherfucker” and the last 5% of the time he was using it correctly and good on him for it.

For some reason I replied to the message even though I was not in the office. He had that kind of 24/7 demand on your time that so many shitty bosses have. Whether I was in-office or out, work hours or not, it was wiser to respond to his emails in lightning speed. He would throw a tantrum at 7 p.m. over something and you might be fucked with the next day if you didn’t respond. My direct manager once received a shit ton of angry texts one night from him, well after work hours over something that, ultimately, boiled down to Scott misreading a different email (Scott misreading things and getting angry or blaming you was a regular occurrence).

No matter, 10 minutes later I was there and booted up my computer and within less than a minute, I received another message from Scott (I attempted to take screenshots of all of this as evidence, but because they host a closed domain, they had kicked me out of all of my accounts immediately following the firing so this is close to, but not actually the exact conversation).

Hi

Why did you ask for a raise for ______, too?

You trying to be some kind of union boss?

This would’ve been a picture of the prick

No, nothing like that, she just works

The same job as I do and, if I deserve a raise

It seems only fair that she should as well.

whoa

WHOA

trying to be a union boss, huh?

Come up to 3

On my way

I climbed the two flights of stairs in the open office space that tech companies often have. No cubicles just “free-flowing ideas” and the creation of a “more intimate workspace”. The door for the conference room where I would meet both he and the H.R. guy, was closed, so I figured that now would be my chance to get a cup of coffee, finally, after so much goddamn drama already.

This was a whirlwind three seconds that followed.

SCOTT:

We don’t need any union bosses here. Thank you.

Jordan then shakes his hand and walks away. Something inside him remains in denial and you can see it on his face. His expression changes to his default; he thinks it’s a joke. He remembers this asshole doesn’t have a sense of humor and walks down the stairs defiant.

JORDAN:

Jesus, you made me come all the way in for this?

FIN

This came as such a huge shock to me because no matter how little I cared for the job itself or how little I cared for Scott, I have a pathological need to be good at my job. I have been very good at every job I’ve ever had, even though 99% of the jobs I’ve ever had have been soul-sucking bullshit.

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I had the plan to ask for a raise for both myself and my colleague in November. At that time, obviously for a coupon website November is a pretty big month, so we had a third person doing the same job as us. He was dismissed in much the same way I was, though he at least had an ultimatum. His offer was “work better and more and continue to be berated or walk out.” He chose the latter. Now two people were splitting the work of three. During the busiest time of the year. That is leverage. Deny us anything we want and the risk is that one or both of us might walk out in a similar way (in union if you will), then you’re really fucked.

I brought this fact up to my colleague, I told her, first and foremost, if we’re doing the work of three people then they are exploiting our labor and their profits increased by one full salary they no longer had to pay. Second, we have ridiculous leverage. Third, we just watched them exhibit zero loyalty; if they don’t care about him, they don’t care about any of us. It’s time to stop thinking of these people as friends, because they will throw us aside for no or any reason (FORESHADOWING).

These are numbers that say true stuff

She said she would back me if I put together a proposal for a raise, but she would not ask for it herself. She is a woman with a kid while I am a white man with little to lose; good call on her part.

With only the wisp of a unified front, I decided against submitting the proposal, though I would continue to think about it.

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On every other Thursday, Scott would gather the entire staff up to the third floor for a ra-ra speech. Everyone who had a birthday would get shoutout, a person won the “game ball”, a simulacrum of an employee of the month, and there were prizes. Should you answer a trivia question correctly, you had the opportunity to open one of eight envelopes, half of which contained a hundred dollar bill.

In that ra-ra speech portion, though, he would constantly talk about how profitable the company was, and he would also mention that other coupon websites had far larger staffs. He would connect these two to our fucking faces. But, ah ha, you had the chance for a hundo, so, he’s still taking good care of you.

Other companies take union-busting as a chance to be more literal with the “busting” portion. Scott is more insidious. There are regular raffles where the employees can win things like tickets to a Bears game or Hamilton or a surprise weekend at a fancy hotel. All things that give the plebes a taste of the millionaire life he enjoys. See? Look how generous a boss he is. THAT SAID, I’m sure it costs him a lot, lot, lot, lot, lot less than say, a unionized staff with a collective bargaining agreement in place. One where his employees are paid commensurate with the profit they provide the company, the profit that he takes for himself.

Of course he also spread fear with his occasional outbursts. He is an asshole at times, not always, but when he’s an asshole, he fucking commits to the bit, so to speak. It’s hard to want to unionize when you’ve seen the owner of the company all but toss one of his employees out on the street most capriciously. Stick and carrot, stick and carrot, stick and carrot on a monthly basis. Credit where it’s due, it’s an effective deterrent to unionizing.

I love unions, I think they are invaluable as a check against, well, unchecked capitalism. If management can exploit labor, they will exploit labor. This is true. It is a machine. THAT SAID, I never tried to organize in the office, nor did I at all, somewhat to the betrayal of my principles. One reason being, were I to try to organize in the office, they could fire me without consequence, although, as I will find out later in the story, they could fire me without consequence even when they are the ones breaking the law. The other reason was that Scott had already won, none of the people in the office would consider unionizing. He had defeated the imagination of the office, they simply couldn’t/can’t visualize anything better.

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On the train ride home from my inauspicious firing, I began looking into my rights. I was, after a few cups of coffee, furious. I found out that, technically, he couldn’t do that. Within an hour of my firing, I contacted the NLRB and the next day gave my affidavit.

At nearly the same time, I received a call from HR. He was offering me a severance package. The agreement that I was to sign in order to receive severance pay can be summarized as “we’ll give you a pittance if you sign away literally all of your rights.” This agreement included both an NDA as well as a Non-Disparagement clause, meaning I could be fucked if I were to write jokes or talk frankly about how shitty i was treated. That is worth way, way more than what they were offering. When I refused to sign the agreement, I received an email from Scott within 20 minutes offering me my job back. Fuck that.

How could I possibly go back to that job knowing 2 things. First, he offered me my job back when I refused to sign the agreement because he knew he fucked up. Second, if I took the job back I would have a giant bullseye painted on my back and I would be fired the moment I made any mistake. That way, he would be in the clear, with no consequences at all, no rights violated. In that case, should I be fired with no violations on his part, I would be constrained by the original contract I signed, one that also includes a non-disparagement clause.

He was playing me, I would later find out, in two ways.

This is a picture of me disparaging a drunk guy who was offering pizza during my set. What if he made me sign a non-disparagement agreement? Then how would I do my job!?

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As the process with the NLRB unfolded, I learned some stark truths. I, to put it simply, wanted Scott to learn something about how he treats his staff and the only way to teach a rich person anything is money. I found it insulting to read that severance agreement. I found it insulting to be worth that little. I also found it a little insulting for them to think I wouldn’t understand exactly what I was giving up should I sign that agreement.

This was not meant to be, there would be no punishment, there would be no lesson, at least not through the NLRB. The truth is, because they offered me my job back within two days, the NLRB would settle the case by saying I was owed two days back pay for Scott’s fuckup. That’s it.

I was fucked with no recourse.

You should unionize because Scott Kluth is a prick (Title Card).

I’ve been in a non-stop anxiety attack since that day. I’m bipolar and this is fucking with my head. I feel inadequate, I feel like this is all my fault, I feel like I fucked up by asking for what I’m worth and for doing the same for my colleague, I feel like I fucked up because I, personally, didn’t want to contribute to the fucking wage gap, I feel like I fucked up because I did what I believe was right, I feel like I fucked up because I thought I had earned respect and found out I had earned nothing.

There’s a gap in wages! You heard?

The truth is Scott fucked up, Scott broke the rules, Scott didn’t/doesn’t care. For that, I am owed a pittance and he is punished not at all. The system is fucked up. Duh.

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Without a union, this is the way management treats you. Without a unified front, we will never, ever defeat them. Without the entire labor force standing up to the millionaires and billionaires who feast on our work, fattening themselves with their sociopathic desires, then charing our bones when the meat has been consumed, we will never, ever win.

I despise the wealthy. I despise them with my entire being. I despise them for their wanton cruelty. I despise them for never seeing any consequences for their actions. I despise them because, regardless of how much good they do, you do not earn millions of dollars without fucking over the people who work for you. I despise them because their very existence is proof that everything is actually, really, truly, fucking broken. They are breaking our lives into smaller and smaller pieces, like paper through a machine that breaks paper (that one got away from me).

Wherever you work, invite some coworkers out for a drink tonight (don’t try to organize in the office), tell them that without a union it’s not just them who are fucked, but it is all of us. Then do it again tomorrow. And the day after that.

My family is anti-union. They think unions are bad. My mom is also a teacher and my family has benefited immensely from being in a union.

Remember that, regardless of how you feel about unions, about what propaganda you have heard about unions, about whatever anecdotal union member who did blah blah blah. If you need to be selfish, you, personally, will benefit from being in a union. And you, personally, will benefit from other people being in a union.

Remember that because management remembers and they are afraid.